By Thalia Lauzon

There’s a saying that goes: “When one door closes, another opens.” For me, however, that first door didn’t close before the other one opened, and now I’m in a weird gray area. 

With times like these, it’s not unusual for everyone to be confused, but the journey of the graduating classes of 2020 was arguably more turbulent than most. 

It’s safe to say that seniors at every level were not expecting their final year to end the way it did. 

At my high school, we laughed at the people putting “H.A.G.S” on the board and announcing that it was the last day. Most people believed we were simply getting an extended spring break. That would be it. We’d come back like normal, complain about homework, take our AP tests, experience senior ditch day, go to prom and have graduation. 

Needless to say — life didn’t turn out like that. 

No, we suddenly became the “Zoomer” generation with everything and everyone moving to a virtual setting. It was weird and confusing at the best of times and downright boring and insane at the worst. 

To be clear: I under no circumstances want to go back to high school. I developed senioritis second semester junior year and was ready to leave since then, but I do wish I had had a decent last day. 

March 13 — Friday the 13 as well as my dad’s birthday — was the last day of “normal” school. The announcement came during third period: all classes were canceled for the week before our spring break, pending further review for the following weeks after. Also, all spring sports and activities were canceled for the remainder of the year. 

Cue heavy anxiety. 

I couldn’t have cared less that spring break was coming early. However, I did care about the yearbook being a few spreads short — namely the spring sport team photo pages. I had a yearbook to run and, within 30 seconds, nine pages in the middle of it were now completely blank with no plan of what to do. 

On top of that, my yearbook adviser was absent that day with her son. 

I spent the rest of the day brainstorming features to fill 4 ½ pages before our last deadline — which was one week later — and how we were going to gather content from home. 

Many expletives were used that day. Mostly during photojournalism. 

But we did it. We created four spreads seemingly out of thin air, and they actually turned out great — though ill-positioned within the book. 

Nothing was good about that day, though. It didn’t seem like a final day at all and there were no days following that created closure: classes had heavier workloads than they would have had in person, AP tests were only hour-long at-home exams and graduation was virtual. 

I feel like I finished high school, but I still have homework for AP Calculus due tomorrow. 

At the same time, I’m at college, taking college courses and living on campus, but it doesn’t seem real. College is certainly not what I was expecting because of COVID-19, so it feels more like a summer camp or a dream rather than higher education. 

Or maybe I’m not doing it right. 

Honestly, I’m just in a constant state of confusion and don’t know what I should do next. 

Going from high school to college was supposed to be a transitional period to the next stage in life, but everything has been monotonous since the initial shock wore off in March. It seems as if there’s been absolutely no change. 

I’m simply a mess right now. Hopefully midterms will make me finally feel like I’m actually in college.