By Katrina Liu
“I’m scared I’ll forget this feeling. I’m scared I’ll forget how amazing I felt those couple of months. Please don’t let me forget.”
A lot of things have changed since I wrote this in my mint green journal almost a year ago on Nov. 13, 2019. I’m a year older, currently living through a damn pandemic, single and I have forgotten what feeling I was so desperately trying to hold onto.
Well, that’s not entirely true. I have an inkling of the memories I wanted to hang onto back then, but now, those memories have a completely different meaning to me. I can’t quite pinpoint what that may be, but I know it’s something that I’m okay with letting go.
I had to learn how to be okay with letting things go. I had to learn how to be okay with forgetting specific memories that used to be so important to me. Trying to wrack my brain for these memories, moments and feelings was hindering me from moving on and from moving forward.
I’m a naturally nostalgic person. I could say it’s the Pisces in me or I could simply say it’s because I cherish moments and how they make me feel. Even as a natural-born writer, it’s hard to capture those moments on paper, because it’s not something you can describe with words. It’s just something you feel.
We all have those moments in our memory bank. Those moments, often fleeting and unexpected, that make you realize that yes, you are alive and yes, you are doing alright.
But what we fail to remember is that some of those moments will someday be naturally forgotten. Often, it’s not because they’ve suddenly become tainted with a negative connotation — though, unfortunately, that can also happen. It’s just because life goes on.
There are some moments that have stuck with me for years, and there are some that haven’t. As you grow and change, what you want to remember changes with you.
I have photos hanging in my dorm room that are carefully chosen to remind me of the good memories I’ve had and ones I will have in the future. I hung up most of the same photos I had last year, but I ended up taking some out and adding new ones. Some of the new additions aren’t actually new, but I’m just at a point in my life where the memory in the new photos hold more meaning to me than before.
I want to tell you that it’s perfectly okay and normal to forget something you thought you’d always remember. That feeling that I never wanted to forget last November? It’s not as important to me as it used to be. And that’s not because it brings back bad memories or anything, but it doesn’t bring that feeling anymore.
I promise you, life is full of those kinds of moments. Forgive yourself for forgetting and keep moving forward.