By Thalia Lauzon 

I’m currently sleep-deprived writing this. It’s 12:01 a.m. and if you think I’m going to sleep soon, you’re sadly mistaken. Nope. My brain has other plans for me. 

Some backstory: I have sleeping problems. 

Though, who doesn’t in college? But I have the sense that most students don’t pull all-nighters for no reason or only sleep for 30 minutes a night. Granted, I’m not always that bad. It’s usually only a few days in a row before I get back to “normal,” but I never sleep for more than one to three hours consecutively. 

Also –– just to emphasize how weird I am — I don’t even drink caffeine because it gives me headaches. 

To answer your question: I don’t know how I’m alive and functioning, either. My only explanation at the moment is that my brain simply hates me. 

It refuses to turn off for sleep. The other day I attempted to go to bed before 2 a.m. I had brushed my teeth, showered, finished my work and to top it all off, had an 8 a.m. class. I was really proud of myself. 

But then, after laying down in my bed, my brain said “that’s funny, babe,” and cued some maniacal laughing. “For trying to go to sleep before 3 a.m., we are going to flashback to when you were 10 and think about six Pokémon you want on your completely irrelevant team. What? You don’t remember every detail from the show you last watched eight years ago? I guess that means we have to spend the next four hours looking up every Pokémon in existence — including their evolutions.”

I’d have Snorlax, Lapras, Lucario, Dragonite, Luxray and Ditto on my team — excluding legendaries — in case anyone was wondering. 

That’s not even the tip of the iceberg that progressively sank the Titanic, also known as my sanity. 

Exhibit B: 

Brain: What’s that one quote from that book you can’t describe and have only a vague idea of what it’s about? 

Meaning: Stay up for three more hours to look through my more than 2,000 books in iBooks and Kindle to find that uber-specific random snippet of a quote my brain thought of. 

“Yeah, she has her moments of genius, rare though they may be,” Reece said, guessing at the other two’s thoughts as he gave her a sour look. “I’d expect a maneuvering of this nature from your mother, not you.”

Shea shrugged. “I am her daughter. I would have been very stubborn and obtuse indeed not to have picked up at least something from her.”

I found the quote a few hours later. It was from “Wayfarer’s Keep,” the third novel in the Broken Lands series by T.A. White.

Exhibit C: 

Brain: I wonder what it would’ve been like if Cinderella was an alchemist assassin heading to the ball to kill the prince. 

Meaning: Spend an hour or two coming up with the plot, characters and world in which this happens. On top of that, at least three more hours to write chapter one of another new book idea I need to finish writing. 

Both completely real scenarios that were highly inconvenient for my sleep and work schedule. 

The amount of times I fall down the rabbit hole of my own thoughts is astonishing. I’d chock up my overactive brain to insomnia, but it happens when I’m about to do work, too, which I don’t actually complete until two to four hours after I originally planned to because another great idea sprang up. 

Admittedly, sometimes randomly swiping between my desktops for 30 minutes sounds weirdly appealing.

This isn’t anything new, but it’s gotten a lot worse over the last few months. Apparently, when you take increased free time, little to no homework for distraction and staying inside for a long time, the brain goes wild. 

It’s now 2:26 a.m. — after getting distracted by my brain’s thoughts. Again. Still no plans to go to bed. 

Someone please join me down this rabbit hole. Great, now I’m thinking about “Alice in Wonderland.”