By Katherine Wright

The Evil Queen’s infamous magic mirror in “Snow White” is a mesmerizing device. 

Can you imagine having the ability to receive answers to the most unknowable, biased, selfish questions out there? You could finally know the truth about the life-altering mysteries you previously thought to be unanswerable. It would be like having a Magic Eight Ball that actually works. 

However, I think the Queen’s mirror is mostly meant for beauty-competition, toxic-comparison, who’s-the-fairest-of-them-all-type questions — the classic “who-wore-it-better” debate.

But there are so many evil questions that are way more interesting. Who cares about being the “fairest of them all” when you can find out who has searched for your Facebook profile or stalked you on Instagram? 

In the spirit of modern-day self-centered inquiries, I have created a list of relevant questions that I wish we could all ask the queen’s mirror. 

Mirror mirror on the wall… 

  1. Who scored better than me on that last exam?
  2. Did that kid from eighth grade band class actually have a crush on me?
  3. Will the internship I applied for three weeks ago ever respond to my application? 
  4. When is the exact time I should purchase a lottery ticket?
  5. What will my future job actually be?
  6. Can you tell me everything everyone has ever said about me behind my back?
  7. Should I dye my hair?
  8. Can you tell me where all of the hidden gems are located in my local thrift store?
  9. How much coffee is too much coffee? 
  10. How much money have I wasted in my lifetime?
  11. What will my life look like in 10 years?
  12. What will I look like in 10 years?
  13. How many people have unfollowed me on Instagram since high school?

The Evil Queen really lost an opportunity to ask her ultra-powerful mirror the raw, honest, important evil questions. She had a truth-telling, all-powerful, all-knowing mirror in her possession and all she used it for was to ensure her status as the “fairest” person in the land. 

One of her poor servants should have recognized this obsession and swapped out the all-knowing mirror with one that repeatedly said, “Oh yes, my Queen, you are the most beautiful woman in the entire universe and no one in the land will ever change that — especially not some apple-loving Snow White who sings with the birds and prances around in the woods.” 

The truth is, none of us really want to know the answers to these questions that we think we desire. It’s the same power-hungry cravings that lead us to ask for “endless wishes” from the genie who gave us only three, ultimately causing an endless loop of obsessive questioning and never truly being satisfied with what we have. 

The Evil Queen should be praised for her willpower in only asking her mirror one simple question. With a device like that, it’s no wonder she went crazy and started poisoning apples to maintain her status. 

So, I think I’ll stick to the predictable unpredictability of the future and feel a new sense of relief every time my Magic Eight Ball gives me the response, “Ask again later.”