By Hannah Shearer

Last week, my friend was talking about a time in a Scottish pub when she ordered a Long Island Iced Tea and it came with a cocktail parasol — or as I will from now on refer to them as, a Little Drink Umbrella. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. A Little Drink Umbrella? In a non-beach-themed drink? 

Then I started thinking: what does it mean to be a Little Drink Umbrella in a drink? Is there a rule book? A list of guidelines for color, percentage, kind of alcohol, name? Does it have a deeper purpose than to be fun? 

After some research — Googling “who invented the Little Drink Umbrella” — it turns out that the Little Drink Umbrella was first used in the 1930s at a Tiki Bar and is still primarily used with tiki-themed cocktails. This makes sense, but I still can’t stop thinking about the power we as a society have to put Little Drink Umbrellas in any drink we want. 

So, I’ve made a list of important additions to the drinks that should have little one of these Little Drink Umbrellas.

  1. Red Wine.

When you’re crying into your glass, it can shield the drink from your tears. Also, red wine is boring, so it really livens the place up — the place being the wine glass. 

  1. Gin & Tonic.

Not a fun drink, but an important one. The Little Drink Umbrella will make it fun. 

  1. Coffee.

It doesn’t have to be a cocktail. Morning coffee, while amazing, is now really just a cruel reminder that we wake up each day and make coffee. And for what? To sit in our house all day and go on Zoom and pretend to do work? Anyway, the Little Drink Umbrella will distract from the fact that it’s morning and another day where the world is collapsing around us.

  1. Draino. 

Not a drink, but a fun marketing campaign could be to put a Little Drink Umbrella in the draino. And it’s blue, so it’s beachy.

  1. Straight Blue Curaçao.

It’s blue, it’s bright and it has variable alcohol content, just like the beach.

  1. Egg Cream.

It’s fun and controversial, just like the Little Drink Umbrellas. Also, if you wanted to, you could spike it to make it fun, controversial and alcoholic.

  1. Rain Puddles.

A bunch of little puddles plus Little Drink Umbrellas — sounds like the beach to me. Obviously an addition to this is that someone should have to clean up all the umbrellas, but that’s a different list that, of course, I do have ready.

I just hope one day we can all embrace the Little Drink Umbrella and create a more festive tomorrow for future generations.