By Sophia Yakumithis

Before everyone started throwing around cancelations as if they’re bi-weekly COVID tests, I was super on board with the whole “cancel culture” thing. So, while it’s since become pretty overrated, I naturally made my own cancelations in the heat of the moment.

For the boomers reading this, here’s some context: cancel culture is an accountability measure, usually on social media, which involves the collective rejection of a relevant figure after they deliberately associate with or express support of controversial or newly unacceptable values, statements or actions. More concisely, if a celebrity or a well-known brand says or does something that’s objectively terrible, they’re “canceled.”

Some cancelations are entertaining for their absurdity, while others are surprisingly influential. So, although its surface-level value might not imply it, cancel culture has become a major determinant of public opinion. 

Recent cancelations have highlighted nuanced public expressions that may have gone unrecognized as a “no-no” before the rise of social media. Cancel culture has also armed lower-power individuals across various industries to confidently do the calling out themselves without fear of being shot down or punished, which, as a young woman, I highly appreciate. 

Canceling others has become fairly common, so the movement is unfortunately losing its value. It’s easy to seek out or manipulate comments made by celebrities to use as a scapegoat, even if they don’t add up to the “thing” being canceled. But here we are, freely and frequently canceling whoever and whatever we want to, because this is the internet and most of us have a keyboard that we aren’t afraid to use. 

In that spirit, here are a few people and things I’ve canceled… for personal reasons.

Gwyneth Paltrow

The actress and “goop” mogul is one of the most unbearable public figures in my eyes, and her obnoxiously curated, elitist lifestyle brand is what earned her my personal cancellation. 

A wellness-centered e-commerce business, goop is Paltrow’s way of camouflaging the ‘woman as homekeeper’ trope in the 21st century. With a global pandemic propelling us into an economic depression, holistic guru Paltrow is out here selling vagina candles — yes, candles called, “This Smells Like My Vagina” — for $75. 

First of all, no one’s vagina scent is worth $75, let alone worthy of aromatizing. Second, I’ve always known that Paltrow lacks social awareness, but when it comes to this, are you kidding me? 

All I have to say to goop’s cult following is that he who sups with the devil should have a long spoon. 

Circle brim glasses

The year 2019 launched a wave of people my age desiring to dress like librarians, so naturally, Harry Potter glasses became cool. The whole thing is that they aren’t cool, though, which enables college students to be grotesquely quirky.

In the words of one of my closest friends, “They look like they’re doing a cosplay of their parents.”

“The Real Housewives” franchise

This reality series used to be my Xanax. But with most series’ original cast members moving on from the show, “The Real Housewives” casts, across the board, now resemble a coup d’etat by their fans. 

“The Real Housewives” new casts engage in more predictable and stereotypical conflicts and are more conscious of their audience’s reception. Part of the show’s novelty was that most spinoffs featured painfully ignorant rich women who we could live vicariously through and laugh at, while now, the network is just casting young people who want to assert their “woke-ness” or gain social media followings. 

I miss the days of wine glasses being whipped at 50-year-old women at Michelin star restaurants over marital or financial rumors.

Everything Tie Dye

Canceled because until recently, I was a huge fan. 

But then every influencer on the face of the Earth decided to ruin this trend by making it their “thing” and start their own tie dye “businesses.” And now a shirt that should be $8 max costs $40 plus shipping and handling.