By Sophia Yakumithis

I don’t know if anyone cares about me, but I wanted to give everyone an update on how I’m doing. If you don’t care about me, that’s fine, I don’t care about me either. But consider this a case study.

I’ve organized this update into sections that reflect the factors currently determining my wellbeing, although not necessarily in order.

Zoom University

I’m over it. The first few days felt amazing because I was loving the fact that I could “do” school wherever I want to with no pants on, but after the stay-at-home restriction took effect, I started to hate nothing more than logging onto a makeshift laptop to look at my classmates every weekday. My eyes are going to burn out from starting at this screen all day, if they haven’t already. 

Stay-at-home order

I’m currently in Ohio and we are being praised for pioneering COVID-19 related legislation. But that means we do everything first and wait for everyone to play catch-up. From a serious public health standpoint, I’m more than pleased with our governor for being smart. But from a bratty 20 year old standpoint, I am physically angry. How much walking can one do around the same white, suburban neighborhood every day? How much can I stress bake? How deeply can I explore the depths of rock bottom? Oh, I know, A LOT. More than I WANT TO on ALL counts.

The weather

It sucks.

Bravo TV

“The Real Housewives of New York City” and the “Potomac” franchise of the same series both drop new seasons in April, so this is one of the only sources of positivity in my life right now. Luckily, my mom stocks up on wine once a week, so I’m covered and don’t need to worry about whipping out a surgical mask to brave the grocery store.

Coronavirus

Still haven’t caught it.

My bank account

It’s not looking too hot. My balance is at a standstill like most of the world’s right now, but my online shopping hasn’t stopped. I’ve made several impulse purchases from Madewell that I’m obsessed with at the moment, but when this B.S. is all over, I have a hunch it’ll be a “record scratch, look into camera” type situation. In the meantime, though, I look cute as f— with no one seeing me from the waist down. Except my family members who don’t care at all whatsoever and shaming me for spending money I don’t have.

Eyeliner

The greatest thing to come out of self-quarantine for me is that I can confidently say I have mastered drawing a winged eyeliner. If nothing else, that is a HUGE accomplishment and once job applications are a thing again, I’m definitely adding that to my resume.

So there you have it. That’s what’s new with me.