By Sophia Yakumithis
Much like lyrical genius Ludacris, I too was 13 when I had my first love. Ain’t nobody in the world who compared to my baby: Academy Award winning actor Leonardo Dicaprio, who has recently been nominated for his sixth Oscar for his performance in the dramedy “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.”
It all started after my One Direction obsession began to die down. You know, when my growing sophistication and maturity led me to fawn over men of a more sartorial variety, including then-20-year-old Josh Hutcherson and the blond-haired, blue-eyed “Titanic” star Leonardo Dicaprio.
To establish myself as a woman of taste, I explored Leo’s less heartthrob-y films, like “Gangs of New York” and “Aviator.” Both productions show a darker side of DiCaprio as an actor, centered around his method and craft rather than sensationalism.
I, of course, didn’t actually make that connection as a greasy-haired tween. I just didn’t want people to think his early movies simply made me hormonal. After all, I was really in love with him.
I learned the dumbest facts about him to assert my dedication. You’d think I was in the running for a “DiCaprio Spelling Bee” or something with the amount of useless information I memorized about him; that toddler-aged Leo was fired from his first role on the children’s show “Romper Room,” or that his pregnant mom first felt him kick while standing in front of a Leonardo da Vinci painting.
I was a lunatic. I had friends photoshop pictures of us together and I wrote articles about him in my high school paper. Antics like these forced my obsession to meme-status amongst my peers (which, if you ask me, is a high honor). To this day, my friends regularly send Leo-related content on social media channels.
Still not getting it? I have a Leo prayer candle. My name on Twitter is “Leonardo DiCaprisun.” I even saw on OK! Magazine that he allegedly has sex with earbuds in… I’m guessing AirPods. And I’m okay with that, simply because it’s him.
In all seriousness, while Leo has some major acting chops and is flat-out sexy, his abilities as a producer and environmentalist are what I think separate him from the current pool of men in the film industry. What most people don’t know is that he founded his own production company to take on projects which both interested him and would bring awareness to global issues he cares about, as well as to give himself more autonomy over his acting roles. 2016’s “The Revenant” was a project which combined both of those aspects, earning him his first — and hopefully, not last — Oscar.
Along with Appian Way Productions, Leo also established the Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation, an environmental organization that uses his name to generate public interest and attention on crises related to climate change and vulnerable ecosystems.
When he’s not saving the world, he also dates supermodels who are usually much younger than him. Currently, the 45-year-old is with 22-year-old Argentinian model Camila Morrone, whose birthday is two years before mine. Perhaps in two years when she needs an eye lift, he will dump her for me.
In the meantime, I still love the man. And should the cosmos align so that I meet Leo and inevitably fall in love, my boyfriend understands that his corduroy-wearing ass is out of here.