By Sophia Yakumithis
Thanksgiving is approaching and I could not be more excited.
With the exception of a few drunk uncles, my family always brings wholesome dialogue to the table — a great time to catch up after spending almost an entire semester away at school. My family is Greek, so our Thanksgiving dinner includes grape leaves, lamb and other non-American foods. However, I did my research for the following article and Googled “traditional Thanksgiving side dishes.”
While I would argue that most of these individuals are, in fact, the main course, I want to get in the holiday spirit and categorize my celebrity crushes as the side dishes Americans apparently gorge themselves with.
Green bean casserole is one of those foods I hate, but is a necessary evil on the Thanksgiving table. No one has to eat it, but it has to be there. Kind of like George Clooney. When I think “celebrity crush,” he’s who comes to mind, but I don’t really care about him. I just feel obligated to acknowledge that he’s a silver fox and then move on.
Stuffing. Liam Hemsworth. Before dinner even starts, you’ll want to eat him on the stove top.
His classic looks and ongoing presence bring teen girls copious nostalgia to “The Last Song” days, and — like some stuffing — he’s vegan.
Let’s talk about sweet potato casserole, a.k.a. Tom Holland, as we pivot over to the potato family. Sweet and savory. Like a marshmallow topping, he’s playful on the surface. But once you dig in with a spoon, you’ll find that the layers underneath are rich and decadent.
Cranberry sauce is an enigma — fresh, never canned. You think it’ll be overwhelmingly sweet, but the first taste always shocks the eater, as it’s much more sour than anticipated. This is how I feel about Jude Law. His eyes enticed me so I wanted to learn more, only to discover he cheated on his wife with the nanny. My point exactly.
Mashed potatoes are next on our plates, served up by my main, Leonardo DiCaprio. He’s perfect in any form — creamy, chunky, reduced fat and honestly, I’m even open to loaded. The perfect dish has the confidence to take on any form, any flavor and will dominate each guests’ trip to Flavortown. I’d definitely ask for seconds … and thirds.
Ryan Reynolds is corn bread because he’s fun and flavorful, but is also versatile. Moms love him. Dads love him. Grannies love him. My male-hetero 18-year-old cousin loves him. He can do anything and goes with the flow. All it takes is something like jalapeno and he’s got a kick of flavor.
When you serve them all together on a plate, these men don’t even need a main course to pull their flavors together. Needless to say, this dinner will leave no leftovers.