Disclaimer: This blog post is satire. All sources and quotes are fabricated, meant to serve a fictional and satirical purpose. Any resemblance to actual events is coincidental.
Absolutely convinced that North Korean officials are lying about their resources and weaponry capabilities, U.S. President Donald Trump took to Twitter Sunday to threaten North Korea with weaponized hurricanes in his crusade to beat Kim Jong-un in the biggest ego contest.
“If North Korea keeps this up, America will unleash its new GREATEST weapon. Hurricanes! Hurricane Trump will be unleashed!” Trump tweeted Sunday at 2 a.m.
In a further attempt to gain an upper hand in the contest, the president held a press conference on Sunday evening. During the conference, Trump claimed that after speaking with people in evacuation zones, he knows better than anyone else the destruction and devastation a hurricane can cause.
“Look, I have been working with the best scientists — and believe me, these are some smart guys, the best of the best — to make the biggest hurricane ever. The media calls me crazy. They say, ‘Oh, look at what Donald said now’ and ‘Trump doesn’t know what he’s talking about.’ But would someone who doesn’t know what he’s talking about become the first president — and just so you know, this is a stroke of genius — in history to weaponize hurricanes?” Trump said.
Although pressed by reporters, Trump refused to outline his specific plans or the exact science involved. However, he did threaten that after Hurricane Trump is released, North Korea would be not only be permanently destroyed, but they would also be “severely embarrassed” by their leader’s “ridiculous and careless threats,” and the world would finally see who has the biggest ego.
In response to the president’s remarks, Kim Jong-un ripped off his pants in front of North Korean news outlets early Tuesday morning. While Jong-un didn’t directly say anything, many analysts believe this to be a direct challenge to Trump’s masculinity.
North Korean foreign minister Ri Yong-ho told reporters in New York that “Kim Jong-un’s actions speak for themselves,” and require no further comment. He did also add that they expect an “equal response” from Trump.
The president has yet to officially comment on Jong-un’s actions, but he has a press conference scheduled for 7 p.m. Tuesday. Sources close to the president told The Daily Free Press that people will be shocked at the length and size of this announcement.
In the meantime, America and the world anxiously await to see who will rise victorious in this battle for the biggest ego.