Most people at Boston University have a vague memory of their guided tour. They walked a lot, didn’t pay attention during the spiel on the Howard Gotlieb Archival Research Center and were very confused when shown the so-called BU Beach. I think it’s fair to say that the tour really only skims the surface of what it’s actually like to go to BU. I’m fortunate enough to know a handful of student tour guides at BU and I took it upon myself to ask them what they wish they could really say about each stop on the tour. Very graciously, they did not hold back.

1. BU Beach
“Ok, so the Greek rock. Listen, everyone knows this is where BU frats have a turf war, but everyone knows that the MIT frats are the only good ones anyway.”

“Plus, sometimes, when you walk by and they’re spray painting the rock, they will crop-dust you with the spray, and I got my only pair of yoga pants stained red. Plus it was BU frat boys doing it, so unlike MIT frat bros, they couldn’t even reimburse me for them. Rude!”

“We’re supposed to tell you guys that the sound of the cars next to the BU Beach sounds like ocean waves and that’s why it’s the beach. But it doesn’t sound like a beach. It sounds like cars. Fake news!”

2. GSU
“The people at the Starbucks will never spell your name right. I don’t care if this sounds a white girl problem or not.”

“Sometimes (and this is super fun), your dining points will magically get robbed off your card and when you’re just trying to get a coffee you have to call the Terrier Card office because all 350 of your dining and convenience points vanish!”

“No one goes to the Howard Thurman Center for Common Ground and no one knows what the Howard Thurman Center for Common Ground is. In fact, no one knows who Howard Thurman is.”

3. Mugar Memorial Library
“Mugar Library is ugly and no one goes there!”

“It looks like the Soviet bloc in there.”

“Ok, so I’ve been up to the same place on floor five multiple times to look for books and every time I go I just see a thing of Basho sushi on a shelf that becomes more and more dried up and rotted every time I go. BU is glamorous.”

“The air in Mugar makes your face extra shiny. Or you get nosebleeds. Don’t ask me why.”

4. Marsh Plaza
“Those doves in that statue are never gonna fly away because there’s never gonna be world peace! Sorry!”

“The seal curse is fake. I step on it all the time.”

“This is the part of the tour where we’re supposed to mention the ‘Western portion’ of campus, but I always just wanna say ‘Hey kids! I would show you West but I can’t because none of you have been to the gym at least twice this week!’”

5. College of Communication/Sargent College/College of Engineering
“My totally-not-made-up friend ‘Leland’ in Sargent really loves it there! Now please let me maneuver all of you around so that I can read the name of the school off the front of the building.”

“Who is in ENG? What do they even do there besides plan to make a lot of money?”

“If you can’t do math, COM is a grand ole time.”

If only people taking tours at BU could know what the tour guides really think. PHOTO BY RACHEL MCLEAN/ DAILY FREE PRESS STAFF

If only people taking tours at BU could know what the tour guides really think. PHOTO BY RACHEL MCLEAN/ DAILY FREE PRESS STAFF

6. College of Arts and Sciences
“This is a long freaking hallway, so I’m gonna talk really slow as I walk quickly down it.”

“There is nothing to say about CAS.”

7. The Towers
“The Towers’ basement is great place to study! It’s also a portal to hell, probably.”

“Why does the second toilet in the women’s bathroom in the basement never stop flushing?”

“Everyone who lives in Towers is a ghost.”