There is never a moment when I am not cold. I come from the South, where flip-flops can be heard slapping the sidewalks year-round, and the only thing shorter than the tiny chunk of the year considered to be “winter” is the length of the cutoffs worn during the months of December and January.  Boston is an entirely different beast. I would be lying if I said the transition from the warmth of my home to the bitter chill of Boston has not hit me hard. As an expert on all things warm, I feel as though it is my duty to help all of my fellow sufferers get through this winter. Because like it or not, we are all trapped together in the industrial strength freezer called New England.

gif via GIPHY

gif via GIPHY

My first piece of advice for you is to dress as warmly as possible. UNIQLO is a brand that makes excellent HEATTECH basics such as leggings and T-shirts that can be used for layering. Layering is your friend. How much should you layer? Look into the mirror and begin to put on your clothes. Continue to do so until you see that you resemble the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. This is your stopping point.

Winter boots are also a must. While most people opt for a pair of insulated boots that rise up to around the top of the ankle, I suggest that you go further. My snow boots certainly do. Each boot is around the size and weight of a small baby whale and hug my legs almost up to the thigh. They keep my feet so warm that I could use them to expedition to the top of Mount Everest if they weren’t so heavy. Since I have difficulty climbing up the stairs while wearing them, climbing a mountain seems highly unlikely.

My second piece of advice is actually more of a warning in regards to the outdoor trek that must be made to travel from one part of campus to the next. Prepare yourself emotionally, for even with your layers and thick coat that received positive reviews on ConsumerSearch.com, the wind will still slice through you like a frozen sword. If you cry, your tears will freeze to your face as a semi-permanent testimony to your weakness for all to see. Your thighs will burn under the weight of your booted feet and your extremities will become so cold that you will feel the nerve endings beginning to die, rendering your hands as useless as two blocks of frozen hamburger. This is where your hand warmers come in. Simply rolling them between your dead fingers will generate enough heat to thaw you out. I swear to these and suggest that you stitch them into all of your clothing.

gif via GIPHY

gif via GIPHY

Lastly, I shall address how to stay warm during these glacial January nights. You shiver in between your blankets from dusk until dawn when your alarm goes off and your body finally decides that your bed (which felt sub-zero just moments before) is just lukewarm enough that you should stay in it. In an ideal world, this problem could be prevented by sleeping in a hot spot that makes the cold seem not quite as horrific. These hot spots can include a furnace or the surface of the sun. Sadly, these options are not plausible. The sun would kill you instantly. I suggest that you wrap yourself in flannel sheets and fleecy blankets like a wooly chimichanga. You finally will be able to sleep warmly and soundly. There is something to be said for being able to feel your toes when you wake up.

I am sending warm thoughts in your direction as you attempt to layer, warm your hands and remain cozy for as long as possible. Remain strong and remember that winter is but a brief chunk of the year. The warmth of spring is perched and waiting just around the corner. Stay toasty.