1. Become the first person to ever live on an Amtrak train.
I mean, hey, he is Amtrak Joe, right? It only seems appropriate that he should be the person to reside on an Amtrak. Think of the possibilities. Biden, riding the rails, cutting a path across the American Heartland, possibly coining the phrase “housetrain.” It would certainly be a way of doubling down on his own personal brand, while also providing some much needed press for our much neglected train system.
2. Eat some ice cream.
“My name is Joe Biden, and I love ice cream” is how our now-former vice president once introduced himself to a crowd. Joe Biden loves ice cream more than I love most things in life. It’s one of the most #relatable things about Joe. And now that he is no longer responsible for helping to run the country, why not sit back, relax and eat some? What flavor is an entirely other matter. I have a hunch that Vice President Biden is a chocolate guy, so I’d personally recommend him chocolate fudge brownie.
3. Become my husband.
Sorry, Jill. I understand how this one will be pretty difficult for Mr. Biden to follow through on, but hey, a girl can dream, right?
4. Make cameos on every currently airing TV show.
We all remember Biden’s multiple cameos on “Parks and Recreation” (or at least we remember Amy Poehler’s reactions to seeing him in the flesh), so why not take it up a step and give every show on TV one episode with Biden at least playing a small part. I can see it now: Biden saying “Bazinga!” on “The Big Bang Theory,” Biden playing a crime scene investigator on CSI, Biden assisting Nev on Catfish to get to the heart of a fraudulent romance with Google Images.
5. Get to work.
As much fun as it is to turn good old Joe into a meme, (“Oh, look, he’s friends with Obama, who always has to keep Joe from doing wacky stuff! Hilarious!”) Biden is a figure who has devoted his life to public service. He’s done plenty of great things and (like any politician) some not so great things. This of course doesn’t mitigate Biden’s lifetime of devotion to the country, and his devotion is not going to cease now. The next four years are going to be long for him, just like it’s going to be long for the rest of us. So it’s time to stop telling jokes and start working against the agenda Trump intends to implement. In the words of Biden himself: this is a “big f—ing deal.”