If you needed a dose of Election Day truth displayed as comic relief, you have come to the right place. Here are 10 tweets to commemorate the end of this chaotic and epic election cycle:
1. The sad reality
9 days until the apocalypse aka the election aka can’t even say “thank god it’s over” because people will riot no matter the result. Help.
— Kingsley (@kingsleyyy) October 31, 2016
He’s not wrong. Most people are torn between these “two evils” or they’re so staunchly rooted in their love for one candidate that tonight can basically only end in riots. You can find me hiding under my covers waiting for this night (and possibly the next four years) to be over.
2. The mother of all political costumes
I’m Hillary Clinton’s 33000 deleted emails pic.twitter.com/GKyvOpHYsy
— Haywood Jablome (@BradleyOwen2) October 30, 2016
Why was Halloweekend over before I saw this? Everyone has brought up these emails, Trump has kept his campaign alive on them and Hillary has tried to avoid the topic at all costs, so of course this was the perfect costume. Right next to a classic red-sweatered Ken Bone of course.
3. Classic millennial attitude
*five minutes ago* Every time Trump says Mexico, take a drink.
*now* Everyone is dead.
— Kevin Nguyen (@knguyen) September 27, 2016
What are debates if not an opportunity to drink on a Tuesday? I’d be pretty shocked if the average human even survived five minutes with this game though, especially if they decided to go that many rounds with Jose Cuervo.
4. The man asking the important question
— John Mulaney (@mulaney) August 20, 2015
Buying a domain name off of someone isn’t cheap, and negotiating it is even worse. Apparently, Trump could not buy off the owner of @DonaldTrump and I’m pretty sure whoever has it is using it just to spite Trump. The user’s one and only tweet redirects you to Trump’s actual Twitter handle, @realDonaldTrump. Savage?
5. Your favorite reality TV show is ending
Oh cool, the season finale of America is on. #GOPDebate
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) January 15, 2016
She said it all. Game over, America. Run for Canada — maybe they’ll take us under asylum.
6. Sometimes a little distraction helps us laugh off the pain
I wonder what he’s going to do next. pic.twitter.com/n1mrpBFZ8h
— Sam Stryker (@sbstryker) May 4, 2016
Literally, there are posts on posts about Ted Cruz being the Zodiac Killer. As a major fan of conspiracy theories, I praise this man for this tweet. This is more compelling than anything I’ve ever heard from Trump or Hillary these past few months. These are solid cold, hard facts here, people.
7. We are all this dog
This morning, as I was reading the latest election news aloud in raised tones, my dog vomited all over the floor. That’s about right.
— Tor Thorsen (@thorsen1nk) October 31, 2016
At this point, if someone says “election,” it’s like ipecac syrup: insta-puke. It’s stressful, annoying and involves hair falling out with puking madness.
8. Watching election results
me because of this election pic.twitter.com/4VqUveq9JY
— ethan (@ethanshumjr) October 23, 2016
There are no words. This picture sums up every emotion people felt very accurately.
9. Lester Holt until the end of time
— Franklin Leonard (@franklinleonard) September 27, 2016
Election season has killed his soul more than it has the rest of America. We’re sorry, but we’ll be joining you in the drinking spirit shortly. Soon, everyone will feel this way.
It’s the little things in life
How come nobody told me that Tom Crean’s wife had an affair with Lucius Malfoy pic.twitter.com/tFrbk6v5LU
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) November 7, 2016
If this doesn’t make you giggle, I’m not sure what will. Is he the next Ken Bone? Possibly. But at least Harry Potter magic is all around us in this time of need. Maybe we should all just read J.K. Rowling’s new book and pretend that Hogwarts is real and that we live there now.
The election may be over, and you might be feeling down and out, but you will never be Ted Cruz’s father. Thanks for providing a solid year of brutal Zodiac jokes, Ted. Your race to presidency is over, but never forgotten.
Tfw you realize your son is Ted Cruz pic.twitter.com/hBb5fH6NIm
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) December 4, 2015