The world of haute couture is known for its eccentricity, and usually the trends seen on the runways never make it into consumer society. However, spinoffs of these trends usually arrive in our own world of fashion. Sometimes, these trends are beautiful and continue to thrive for more than their allotted season, but other times they just totally miss the mark. Here are five examples of recent fashion trends that just don’t make sense:
1. Ear makeup
When I think of ear makeup, I think of two different trends. One of them is Kylie Jenner’s practice of “ear contouring,” where her makeup artists contour her ears to match her face and neck. The other is ear makeup in general, such as literally coating the lobe of your ear with gold paint. I understand that the idea of adding cool details to your ears makes them look interesting, but unless you rock a pixie cut, people aren’t going to see your ear makeup, and more likely than not, it will also smear once you start sweating from day-to-day activities. Plus, if someone is paying that close attention you ears, well — you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
2. 100 layers of nail polish
Remember that time everyone and their mother shared the same viral video of “polish mountains,” where bloggers actually applied 100+ layers of nail polish to their nails? I can’t tell whether this trend actually became a thing, but it definitely received a mortifying amount of buzz from the internet. Whoever unleashed “polish mountains” from the netherworld needs to send it back, and then take a nice, long time-out to think about what they’ve done. Please everybody, be kind to your nails.
3. Distressed T-shirts
If you’ve watched past seasons of “The Voice,” you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. Every week, Adam Levine tried to rock the distressed T-shirt look: a plain white cotton tee with rips and holes, and a fine layer of dirt to top it all off. But he failed to make it look glamorous, instead just looking kind of homeless. From there, the distressed T-shirt made its way into renown fashion magazines such as “Vogue” and “InStyle,” selling at prices of more than $300 per shirt. I could literally buy five men’s cotton tees at Target for less than $15 and cut out holes myself to save the remaining $285. Don’t give in to the capitalist expectations of society, kids! Save those dollars — you’ll need them for college.
4. Clumpy mascara
This one just looks painful. Painful to apply, painful to wear and painful to take off. Clumpy mascara is a spinoff of the many trends that Twiggy is credited for creating. But like the concept that “skinny” is prettier than “fat” (which was also jump-started once she arrived to the fashion industry), it should never have become as popular as it did. Clumpy lashes make you look like you fell asleep before taking off your mascara, and you didn’t feel like fixing it the next morning. Now your lashes are clumped together into three distinct branches with little clump buildups among them. It’s enough to make anyone shudder.
I will willingly acknowledge that Birkenstocks are extremely comfortable shoes, and people do love comfort, so naturally everyone flocks to these. But the classic Birkenstock is just so chunky, clunky and oddly unclean-looking that I just can’t wrap my head around why it’s seen as fashionable. I also understand that they’re ridiculously expensive so they can also be interpreted as an indicator of wealth, and make you a part of the in-crowd if you own a pair, but they really don’t do anything to make your feet look pretty (though they do give you a vague Jesus vibe). But if you’re about that kind of life, then be my guest and own those sandals.