PHOTO BY WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

PHOTO BY WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

The Mormon Church announced Nov. 13 that children of same-sex couples cannot be baptized until they are 18 and renounce homosexuality. About 1,500 Mormons didn’t like that and resigned from the church in protest, The Washington Post reported.

An official Facebook event titled “LDS Church Mass Resignation” listed 1,300 people as resigning from the church. And about 2,000 others marked that they were interested.

That’s a lot of Mormons.

The Mormon Church later clarified on its website that children of homosexual couples were welcome to attend church services and should be treated with “utmost respect and love.” But they still can’t get baptized without decrying homosexuality. Tough luck.

In light of the church’s and its followers’ recent actions, I propose that those who have recently left the Mormon Church create a new religion. A better religion. A gayer religion. 

Instead of excluding those in the LGBT community, the new church will celebrate everyone’s sexuality and gender identity and revel in their queerness. Each member of the church would be able to choose what to believe in without religious persecution or worry about being excommunicated from the church.

Members of the new church could post a list of these in the comments section of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints’ website, Martin Luther-style. Kids would have to read about this in their textbooks for years to come. Think of the possibilities.

If the church is open to suggestions, I propose that the new religion begins by constructing giant glitter castles as holy places of worship. Murals of unicorns and avant-garde paintings could line the walls. They could usher in a new era of churches that don’t smell like must and elderly people.

Instead of wine for communion, the new church could offer a variety of alcoholic beverages. Instead of Communion wafers, it would give out cake. The food wouldn’t symbolize anything. It would just be for fun. Similarly, every Sunday would be a regular party. Instead of weekly sermons, the preacher would perform an interpretive dance routine or slam poetry lamenting the struggles of the LGBT community in the heteronormative world they live in.

Instead of hymns, “voguing” competitions and dance battles would determine the fiercest and most righteous of the church’s congregation each Sunday. Instead of a cross or another religious icon, followers of this religion would be known by a rainbow “Q.” Instead of adhering to a single religious scripture, everyone would just be nice to each other. It just seems less complicated that way.

In short, the possibilities are endless for those who split from the Mormon Church. The Mormon rebels don’t have to go all-out in gay-ifying their religion. They could just stay together and make their religion more inclusive to everyone, regardless of sexual orientation. And all kinds of love should go hand-in-hand with any religion.