If you’re going to require new uniforms, at least make them cute.

In Makassar, Indonesia, the provincial government now requires middle school and high school students to wear patches that say, “I hate drugs” and “I hate corruption” in the hopes that, you know, the kids will grow up to hate drugs and corruption. Obviously.

Indonesia already has a national dress code for public school students: a collared, white button-up shirt, which I’m sure the students were already crazy about. On top of that Book-of-Mormon-Geek-Squad chic, the students now get to wear two snazzy patches positioned over the right side of their chests.

This idea was proposed back in July, but now the government is actually following through, despite backlash from social media.

The new policy in Makassar Indonesia now requires students to wear patches on their uniforms with messages like "I hate drugs" and "I hate corruption" in hopes that it promotes better choices in schools. PHOTO VIA FLICKR USER MATTJLC

The new policy in Makassar, Indonesia now requires students to wear patches on their uniforms with messages such as “I hate drugs” and “I hate corruption” in hope that they will promote better choices among students. PHOTO VIA FLICKR USER MATTJLC

One Makassarian biology teacher admitted to Vice that “it’s not a solution, but at least it’s a reminder for [the students].” I totally understand. Personally, I sometimes forget that I hate when people see me naked. Some days I’ll just walk right out of the shower and into the street unless I remind myself that, “No, Lucas, you actually don’t want people to see your pale, disgusting body. You love clothes. Go put some on.” I also have to constantly remind myself that sunshine is good, eating yellow snow is bad and babies are, in fact, not dangerous.

Of course, Indonesian children are loving every minute of this bold new fashion mandate. One twelfth grade student eloquently stated that he and other students think their new uniforms “look like wall collages,” and presumably not the cool artsy kind.

Really, this method is revolutionary. I don’t think anyone in the history of the world has tried this before. It seems so obvious, that all our problems could be solved if we only start wearing patches. Like, maybe if everyone wears a patch that says, “I love myself” the suicide rate will drastically decrease. Or making everyone wear an “all people are equal” patch will wipe out racism and sexism. Or if I wear a patch that says “please believe me: I’m attractive,” I’ll have suitors lining up just outside of my door.

Shifting into serious mode here, kudos to the government for trying to get young people to steer away from government corruption and drugs, but this solution is incredibly ridiculous. It’s only going to make the students hate the government even more for making them dress like idiots every day.

The municipal government’s thinking is that the best way to combat corruption and drug use is to tell young people that corruption and drugs are bad without really explaining what “corruption” and “drugs” are. Educating students on government corruption and drugs would probably be the most effective, but more expensive plan. It’s probably more worthwhile to do nothing than to pretend like wearing a patch will solve the country’s problems. Clothing can do a lot of things for a person, but not when it’s this ugly.