Lucas Williams, Staff Writer
I, Lucas Williams, college freshman and avid chocolate lover, hereby declare a state of emergency: authentic British Cadbury chocolate will soon no longer be sold in the United States. Well, not legally, anyways.
Hershey’s has banned the sale and importation of British Cadbury chocolate. Luckily, Hershey’s holds the rights to producing and distributing American Cadbury chocolate. Unfortunately for the American public, though, American Cadbury is not the same as British Cadbury. If you haven’t tasted a British Cadbury bar, then get your face away from your electronic device and into some authentic Cadbury chocolate while you still can.
The different tastes can be summed up in each bar’s first ingredient. Milk chocolate British Cadbury’s first ingredient is (predictably) milk, while American Cadbury’s is (like most other food in America) sugar.
Obviously, the chocolate made with more sugar than milk does not taste the same as the chocolate with more milk than sugar. First, British Cadbury is higher in fat. That’s the sign of a good chocolate bar. Also, you must ask yourself the question: Which ingredient should people more frequently consume? It’s called “milk” chocolate for a reason, even if “sugar” chocolate is a more accurate name. Really, there is no question that the country with the better accents also has the better chocolate.
Hershey’s ban on British chocolate extends to more than just Cadbury, too. British Kit Kats are banned, along with Yorkie Bars (because the name is too close to York Peppermint Patties) and Toffee Crisps (because the packaging too closely resembles Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and apparently, Hershey’s believes that their customers are illiterate).
After hearing news of British Cadbury’s discontinuation, many people are doing the expected and logical response of grabbing all the British Cadbury chocolate they can while it’s still on the shelves. You heard that right. Americans are stockpiling Cadbury chocolate as you read this. This is nothing short of a national crisis.
To anybody who is in the Boston or Cambridge area currently too in shock and/or despair to investigate where you can get your hands on authentic British Cadbury chocolate, fear not. Real Cadbury’s chocolate can be bought at Cardullo’s Gourmet Shoppe in Harvard Square. But be swift in your chocolate hoarding. The Boston Globe reported that most stores currently stocking British Cadbury will only be selling the chocolate until they get word of whether or not their Easter shipments will be canceled.
As shown by the true chocolate lovers, there has been significant backlash at the announcement of British Cadbury’s discontinuation in America. People have already taken advantage of the only two ways to raise awareness in the 21st century, hashtags and petitions. Multiple petitions exist for this important cause online. One petition was posted on the White House’s website, and another has over 30,000 signatures. Also, #BoycottHershey exists.
If there’s one thing all Americans love, it’s unhealthy foods high in sugar and fat. So let’s stand together on this. We must all be strong and help one another. If you have a Cadbury chocolate bar to spare, please share it with a neighbor in need. And for those of you wishing to buy all of the British Cadbury chocolate still left in America, just be sure to check the ingredients. Over 200 years after the Revolutionary War, we are driven to stand with our former enemies only in the name of chocolate. The power of good chocolate has no limit.