By Clinton Nguyen, Multimedia Editor (@voxels)

Hi. I’m late, and that’s okay because I only have 19 hours a day on average to function as a human being doing things other than reading on the ’net, and I apologize in advance if any of this is super old news to you. But QUIXFIX is still happening. And there’s still one this Sunday too. On time. Promise. Pinky swear. Blood pact. I agree to these terms and conditions.

SO, CLINTON, WHAT ARE PEOPLE READING ON THE ’NET?

I. Whisper: “LIAR FAKE UNTRUE INCORRECT WOW”

The amount of no happening in this is ridiculous. Here are the facts of the matter:

The Guardian sent in two journalists with the intent of creating some sort of journalistic expansion into Whisper, because once you get a breaking scoop out of it, you gotta pay it some heed.

“At no stage during the visit were the journalists (the authors of this article) told they could not report on the information shared with them.”

They found that Whisper may be peering at rough geographical approximations using your IP address if you’ve turned geolocation tracking off. Some staff members say they do that selectively for people who might be newsworthy. Some say they only do it under drastic measures. The facts change depending on who you’re talking to.

II. Fish invented sex

So copulation evolved 385 million years ago when some fish decided that spawning actually wasn’t very effective and rough lovin’ was way better. So you have fish to blame for penises. Also. ALSO. Microbrachius dicki.

III. The sad parents of #GamerGate

The #gamergate discussion hasn’t just affected manchildren, it’s affected actual literal children and their parents too.

I have a 17-year-old son and trying to point out the actual facts in this story is like trying to convince a rabid 70-year-old FOX viewer that Obama is not a terrorist, born on Mars, here to take your guns.
“It’s about ethics, mom. Don’t you care about ETHICS?”

He’s not down with the death threats though, so I guess Yay?

IV. Gaming’s Feminist Favorati

if you don’t find these funny you should actually read the news.

V. Are Mexican cartels actually worse than ISIL?

So much media attention is being poured into the atrocities that ISIL’s up to day by day, but what about the black hole that is all of Mexico? Have you watched the second half of Breaking Bad? The scene with the twins visiting a death shrine wasn’t far off.

A good deal of the cartels’ violence is perpetrated ritualistically as part of their religion, which is centered, quite literally, on the worship of death. The narcos build and support churches all across Mexico to perpetuate their eschatology. When cartel members are killed, they are buried in lavish mausoleums, regarded as martyrs and commemorated in popular songs glorifying their exploits in all their brutality.

VI. Monica Lewinsky is BACK

Lewinsky crept back into the public eye earlier this year with a piece in Vanity Fair in which she wrote about the Clinton affair and the difficulty she has had in finding a job. In the speech on Monday, she began by saying, “My name is Monica Lewinsky, although I’ve often been advised to change it.”

To think, 20 years later you can still be a victim of the Internet. And bullying.

VII. SAVANNAH HOWL

SEE YOU ON TIME NEXT WEEK.