Dear Flaky People,

You are most likely reading this as you avoid fully committing to plans with two (or more) people. Stop. I have been there.

Let’s work this out. Let’s re-evaluate and break down why you are flaky. Because, let’s be honest, you are tired of being that friend who cancels last minute — or, at least, everyone else is tired of waiting to see if you will show up.

Nobody wants to hang out with a flaky person. PHOTO COURTESY MAX PIXELS

Nobody wants to hang out with a flaky person. PHOTO COURTESY MAX PIXELS

Now, we are all human here, and matters outside of your control will sometimes force you to cancel or re-schedule plans. Your interview ran late, your parents are in town, you forgot about a doctor’s appointment, you spontaneously combusted on your way to getting dinner with your friend 10 minutes before you were supposed to meet them. All valid reasons. Today, however, we’re addressing those of us who are repeat offenders of this friendship faux pas, and typically without an acceptable excuse.

As with most things in this day and age, I must address the clichéd — but undeniable — argument that social media exacerbates the flaky streak in a person. Before our daily lives were steeped in technology, if someone didn’t show up to a pre-made plan you would probably assume they were dead (or at least hospitalized). Now, with every scroll, double-tap, and follow we engage in, we find ourselves presented with options. Subconsciously, these options become ideas of all the cooler, better, more “likeable” things you could be doing instead of the plans that have been offered to you. So you cancel on your friend, or are vague about a time you want to meet, or use the tried and true “yeah, let’s meet up sometime next week.” It is not happening sometime next week.

We are all busy. We are all just trying to make connections with people that last longer than a run-in on the way to class or an elevator ride. If we all grant ourselves the luxury of being flaky, we all lose.

It is not to say that being flaky makes you, or me, a bad person. It comes from a place of spontaneity — a will to be available to everyone who offers you a new adventure. But ultimately, if you never commit to any one thing, you may be left empty handed. Or worse, with a bunch of friends who think they can’t rely on you.

So, let’s start denying the communal free-pass we have been allowing flaky people to use in the name of “being chill.” Let’s start delivering on the promises we make in our relationships. Because being impulsive is cool, but being invested is cooler.

Sincerely,

Dani

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