Thank you for letting me see, but we need to talk. Every morning I wake up and go to put in my new daily pair, yet you always manage to try to wriggle away. I drop you on the ground, I try to clean you, but eventually I always give up and get a new pair. Every morning I go to open a new pair and every day you manage to squirt solution out of the case and all over me.
Contacts, you are so appreciated because I don’t have to wear my glasses, which I can barely see out of anyways, but why oh why do you have to dry up in my eyes? You force me to carry eye drops with me everywhere I go. Your convenience is unmatched, but this is really getting old.
Contacts, why do you move all over whenever I try to rub eyes? Can’t you ever let me itch without rolling away?
Whenever I put on makeup, you make my eyes start to burn and water. The Q-tips you have made me waste trying to clean up the mascara mess is unmatched to any other waste in my life.
Contacts, we can never break up because my glasses and I do not get along, but that’s a story for another day. I just wish you could work with me sometimes. I know you’re just a piece of plastic in my eye improving my vision, and yes, you are very impressive, but come on — a day without issues. That’s all I want.
Thank you for being there for me and helping me see, but let’s get real, you’re probably just annoying me on purpose.